When I was starting my blog I learnt to move with those that are moving with me . I only told a handful of people about it and I can tell you they weren’t all positive remarks I was getting . Like first of all what do you know about blogs? Can you even write ? WHO WILL EVEN READ.
Okay side note, thank you so much to everyone taking their time to open my blog. The stats are amazing , way more than I would have ever expected and I really appreciate you my beautiful readers.
Anyway, When I was deciding to cut my hair , I STILL told a handful of people , positive remarks ? For what!
I also once decided to come study in China , told people , positive remarks? Not at all .
Do you see a pattern here? It’s like each time I wanted to do something I’d “announce ” myself to people , seek permission , validation, like I can’t do anything without them.
On my last post I mentioned something about how sometimes the closest people to us , family and friends aren’t always there for us and although some people agreed with me there are also some people who didn’t support my notion and said it’s all looking for someone to blame but is that all there is when the people around you are gravitating negativity and insensitivity towards you?
I myself have experienced a lot of it , negativity is all I hear :
You’re not going to make it past second year of medschool
Who can take you seriously
YOURE A COMPLETE JOKE
“Start that blog and make a complete fool out of yourself”
And you know what’s funny? All these statements came from conversations with people , I would consider my friends or acquaintances. sometimes people who don’t even know me would have something to say, like they know where my life is headed and I’m somehow always undervalued, underappreciated and completely slept on.
Pardon me but I’ve also got relatives who dwell in negativity, relatives Id rather not meet, friends I’d rather not discuss certain issues with , because THATS THE WAY IT IS.
We’re all out here pushing our own agenda and expecting people to be there for us when we don’t reciprocate the same energy. I’m not going to pretend I’m a good person, I’m not. There are people out there who hate me with all their guts and there’s friends and family out there who render me insensitive as well but we’re all a work in progress .
Just last week , a friend I recently reconciled with told me that an old friend/ flame had told her some the things I told him about her (because I’m a bad person I also discuss my friends with my significant others sometimes) and you know what’s funny , at some point SHE TOLD HIM something I told her in confidence too , and he was there when we fell out, eating popcorn and watching the drama. See another pattern? Although this was years ago we were clearly swimming in some aura of fakeness , I’m close to her he’s close to her , me and him where close, we all snaked each other.
I was very wrong for telling him things she had CLEARLY instructed me not to just as she was wrong for doing the same thing. We played ourselves, nevertheless I’ve learnt from my mistakes and we’re cool now .
I’m not sharing this story as a means of painting myself as a bad person here but my point is we are all bad in our goodness, we’re all a work in progress , so yes , I agree . Sometimes we might look at family and friends as a means of blaming our misery but at times they are te cause of our misery. Just as we might also be to theirs.
Self improvement requires a lot of brutal honesty with yourself. You have to ask yourself harsh questions and to answer them as truthfully as possible because there’s no other way to better yourself. I’m a work in progress , there are people out there who I’ve wronged, people who hate me with all their guts and then there are people who would also swear I’m the best person in their lives .
So think about it , who have you wronged ? Whose wronged you? Were you really wronged? Practice brutal self honesty. Let’s embark on this journey of self improvement together. This post is about acknowledging our wrongs and moving forward so have that conversation with yourself , I know I am.
I will say this again , I opened my blog to start a dialogue and to address some of the issues that need addressing. After my last post I had so many people engage with me on social media , sharing their stories, giving me insight into some things I’m still yet to write about as we continue the conversation on depression. That being said if you have ANYTHING to say to me , comment section is open , contact section is there for you. lets try to relay our comments and messages in a kind manner, were building a safe space here.
CONTEMPORARY FEMME FATALE 