Last summer , as I stood on a pavement outside a shop in central Zimbabwe with my cousin I noticed two men standing across from us. They started having a conversation that was too loud to resist. I remember one asking the other which one he’d prefer and he blatantly said he wanted the one with dreadlocks because he’d heard “rastas are feisty”. We stood there as the most salacious conversation went on as we were being referred to in the most obscene manner . Just then , my cousin snapped . She turned around and told the men what they were doing was demeaning and asked how they’d feel if it was their daughter , sister or wife being regarded to in that way. They didn’t flinch. Instead they laughed about it and jokingly apologized and I heard one mumble “told you rastas are feisty “
Sexual harassment- behavior characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation.
There are many covert forms of sexual harassment that have been gravely normalized , cat calling being one of them . A lot of things said naturally in conversation either eliciting a sexual manner or subtly making someone physically aware and insecure of themselves counts as sexual harassment .
Intent is unnecessary
When it comes to sexual harassment , intent is compeletely unnecessary, offense lies in the eyes of the beholder . Whether you meant it in a joking manner or not , the way someone perceives what you say matters. Be it the “you’ve grown” that you tell a girl whose recently hit puberty and she begins to slouch her chest inwards because you’ve made her more self aware or the lies and rumors you spread about someone’s sex life through social media particularly through half naked pictures and pornographic content.
Harassment is not gender based
Men get harrased too. In the past it has been socially unacceptable for men to complain of harassment because of stereotypical notions that men “like harassment “ or “ought to be able to handle it” . Just another double standard if you ask me. People of the same gender can harass each other too , which can or cannot be in form of homosexuality. Harassment can occur in one of two ways
1. Pertaining to someone’s sexuality
2. Gender based , i.e sexist slurs and intents
People hardly say anything
When I stood there with my cousin , we both kept quiet . It’s what you do. I was astonished when she stood up to them, I didn’t say anything nor support her because you keep quiet , it’s what you do. In a conversation with some of my friends , they told me they had been cat called so many times and on each of the occasions they chose to put on a poker face and say nothing. There have been instances where I was walking with my mom and random men would say obscure things or ask my mom how many cows she wanted , an encounter one of my friends also agreed to have experienced. This never happens when I’m with my dad . Apart from cat calling done by strangers we also came to the realization that sometimes the slander comes from people we know either jokingly or not and people don’t speak up or say anything simply because we don’t want to be regarded as “too sensitive “ bringing us back to men being harrased , how do they open up about it or call someone out on their harassment when it’s socially unacceptable for them to be “sensitive”. Toxic masculinity.
It’s always great to look at the things we say from the other persons perspective. How is it affecting someone’s self esteem? Are you stripping someone naked with words? Would you be comfortable had the same things been said to you? Have you ever been harassed and failed to come upfront and say it? Why are we so scared to call out people on their slandering and lewd statements ?
On the other hand , some might argue that the intent of a person matters and the specific words used. What words does society deem acceptable? Should one accept uncomfortable jokes because society has standardized what should and shouldn’t trigger you? What really is sexual harassment in these modern times?I’m asking for answers .
CONTEMPORARY FEMME FATALE 