Developmental trauma- Term used in literature to describe child abuse , neglect or other harsh adversity in the home. When a child is exposed to overwhelming stress and their caregiver does not help reduce the stress or is the cause for the stress, the child develops developmental trauma.
Childhood experiences usually have a tremendous effect on how a person turns out or their values and views on certain things in life. It goes without saying that at times as people grow older and start to experience problems in life the first people they tend to blame are their parents . This is only natural because as a child you expect your parents to be perfect people , people that do no wrong as they are responsible for your wellbeing .
Parents also need to understand that at times they do owe us explanations. Things that are swept under the rug and we are rendered “too young to understand “ affect us greatly as children and for some people , they don’t realize till their 30 and miserable in life and they remember how their turmoil started from the negligence of their parents or guardians.
Dear Shingairai:
Honestly, I don’t know when all that started but I would just be by myself. I was always in my room and I’d never go outside. All I did was stay in and eat thereby the weight gain. You know how highschool holidays are a month, I remember just staying in doors the whole time, one of my childhood friends stayed next door but I never went over because something was wrong with me and I couldn’t identify what it was.Sometimes I would just feel so much pain that I’d almost forget to breathe. I just felt so lonely when I didn’t even have to be by myself.
Basically my dad like most men is polygamous. It’s something that you tell people and they don’t react because it’s been so normalized. People forget that it affects a family in a tremendous way. So the same year my dad revealed that he had a son( from another woman ) who’s way older than both me and my brother. I was hurt. The problem is I hadn’t recovered when this happened . I hadn’t figured out what was wrong with me or how it affected me. To make matters worse, I wasn’t myself for a whole month and no one noticed . Honestly this didn’t make anything better
So basically after this big reveal everyone was trying to go through their process so I had no one to talk to and I kept thinking about it on and on again.
Obviously you’re a kid, you’re trying to figure everything out, things that even grown ups don’t understand. And you just want attention, so I went and took my mums pills because she’s got blood pressure . I just took a bunch of different pills and I was heavily sedated and I just lied in a tub full of water. It was definitely going to be an easy way to go. But when I was starting to knock out I decided I kind of wasn’t ready to go but my whole body was weak . So I just coughed and cried out loud, my mum came into the bathroom and just took me to the hospital. I don’t talk about it . No one in my family talks about it. But I’m glad I’m still here and I’m still fighting. I still have bad days , unexplainable sadness every once in a while and triggers but whenI have periods where I feel depressed I surround myself with people that are good for my soul and my mental health, whilst giving myself me time to get to know myself more. Music is my escape, I definitely don’t let myself cry as much as I should. But I’m getting better at letting it out and I’m definitely getting better at controlling myself. Cause if you have a whole breakdown in front of your friends and you tell them you don’t know what’s wrong ? That won’t even make sense to any of them.
-Anon
This story hit a little too close to home as it’s not the first time I hear about these cases. This is a serious issue that society needs to address. Last week, a note was trending on twitter where a child wrote their parents a letter asking not to be called “bad names” when they do something because they don’t like it.
The voice of children should never be silenced or rendered insignificant because this is where all adult problems stem from. Children are a clear part of the family and deserve an explanation too, you’ll be too busy holding family meetings and giving each other closure as adults but the child you sentenced to her room is crying themselves to sleep every night wondering if their whole lives have turned to the pits.
In as much as there should be respect and restraint in a parent -child relationship, it’s important to discuss certain issues as individuals because in the end that’s all we really are.
For your own peace , It’s also important to understand that your parents did the best they could with the understanding, awareness and knowledge they had . Times haven’t always been the same but they did what they could regardless.
It’s also important to understand our parents childhood memories , how they grew up and how they were raised because it might explain & help you understand why they did what they did.
Understanding that will give you compassion, and a deeper understanding into the type of adults they’ve become especially for your own freedom and peace so as to be able to heal from your childhood . You can’t expect perfection from people who had an equally scarred childhood.
CONTEMPORARY FEMME FATALE 