I’ve always paid GREAT attention to detail. I observe everything, I’m aware of my surroundings, almost all the time. I’m also very passionate about the things in my life. Whether it’s a new tv show I’m watching, a new person I’m talking to or a hobby I recently developed, I either give it my all or don’t give anything at all. I always thought it was like this for everyone, like we all like things and spend so much time on them right?
So here’s a little story, some time ago I went out with my friends and we had a really great time and apparently when I got drunk I started telling my friends I was part of B613, an intense spy organization that controls the government. If you’ve watched scandal then you know exactly what I’m talking about. I don’t remember saying any of this but apparently I went out of my way trying to explain to them how I was in fact a spy.
I wasn’t a spy, I was just hyperfixating on scandal and Olivia Pope that when I got drunk and the line between what’s in my mind and reality got blurred it felt like I truly was part of B613. This happens to me a lot, and I’ve always joked about it, I mean, you will know I care about something when it fully consumes me. Turns out it’s not a neurotypical thing and I tend to do it a little too much.
I can spend days on end thinking about one thing, it doesn’t have to be big, it doesn’t even have to matter, it just has to matter to me. I’ve lost huge chunks of my life as a result of this, I’ve overthought myself into sadness, anger, mistrust, paranoia, I have driven myself to the edge because of spending so much time hyper fixating on things that other people wouldn’t.
As a result of this, it always takes me longer to get over things or people. I personalize all my interactions and poke holes into almost every situation till there isn’t anything to poke. Most people have told me to simply NOT do it but what they don’t understand is I can’t. It’s not an off or on switch. It just so happens to be the way my brain decides to work against me and I have little power over it.
I’m sharing this because I’m finally aware it’s not my fault, I’m finally aware my brain is accustomed to different thought patterns than the average person and even though I don’t know how to stop hyper fixating right now, one day I will. Awareness is key. I’m also sharing this for those of you who feel the same way, those who feel like their mind is wired differently, those who feel misunderstood and underrepresented because I too have felt that way.
My blog is always going to be a space where mental health is discussed openly, it doesn’t always have to be solutions, sometimes awareness is all we need. We’ll get solutions tomorrow, let’s know ourselves today.
For this years Mental Health Awareness Month, I’m spending more time looking inward and trying to work on my own mental health for once. Understanding myself, my triggers and doing what I can to be good. How are you taking care of yourself this month? What new things have you learnt about yourself? Drop me a comment/message ❤️
CONTEMPORARY FEMME FATALE 
i think as beings we are almost the same only time differs when we get affected by such mental challenges hence people say we all got mental issues but we are affected differently and at different times. I think in life one has to pay more attention to self than what’s around them. At the end of the day what is normal and what is abnormal and who says so . the stuff you have written is similar to me but the only difference is i talk like that when sober i will be like a different character split person. Its just so beautiful to know your inner self
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