WHY PATRIARCHY THRIVES

So recently on twitter, a feminist friend of mine posted something I didn’t quite understand. She was talking about how people misunderstand her respect for her boyfriend as being controlled and she said she respects her boyfriend enough not to talk back to him in public as she gives him the same respect she would give her parents.

Okay so maybe if she wasn’t my friend and a ‘feminist’ I wouldn’t have engaged, ehhh who am I kidding, I would have. So then we went on and on sharing points each one defending themselves but I don’t really think we understood each other or she understood where I was coming from. I wasn’t attacking her but I was trying to understand and relay out my opinion without diminishing hers.

What I think is, it’s okay for her to respect, value and cater to her man as she pleases but it’s also important to understand how this might come off. I mean, I have mixed feelings about the whole ordeal and I feel it depends with the context. For instance, if your partner openly humiliates you or belittles you in public spaces, keeping quiet frequently may seem as a sign of conforming to their dominance.

Also, Some people would take your keeping quiet as a sign of downplaying yourself or giving your partner dominance over you. What works for you might not work for others but also, some people might prefer talking back respectfully as they feel it asserts equality.

It also depends with how one takes relationships. Are you in a relationship were both you and your partner respect each other equally or does your partner assert dominance over you? Are you a submissive partner or is your respect equally reciprocated?

In my opinion, it’s important to respect your partner, as a partner. I cannot give my partner the same respect I give my parents because they have parental authority over me, my partner doesn’t. The respect between me and my partner should exist in a reciprocal manner without one dominating the other.

We live in a world were women are currently fighting against the patriachy and male supremacy so it comes off as an attack to what people are fighting for & people will misconstrue your “respect” as submission & conformity.

I think another thing that really caught my attention with this issue is the importance of labels, I always say this, and I’ll say it again, I’m not a feminist so I can never fully understand. All I can do is articulate the concepts I learn to the best of my capabilities.

If you label yourself something, in this instance, a feminist, it automatically makes you against patriachy. Anything you do or say has to represent you as a feminist and what you stand for you’re either pro patriarchy or you are against. There are two sides of the line, you don’t get to choose which parts you want to keep and which parts you want to eliminate. If you are fighting against the oppression of women I don’t think it’s fair to choose the bits that suit your narrative well. If to you your feminism is different then cool, but is it different in approach or is it different to suit your personal beliefs and defend your lifestyle?

To me, part of having values and identifying as something means standing by it at all times. She gave me an explanation as to how her feminism is different from the norm and she conforms to the Bible and the Qurans teachings in hers. I don’t dispute that your movement can be different but feminism is an umbrella term, what road you choose to get to the destination doesn’t really matter but it’s the same standards and values you follow isn’t? And by the way, when I’m talking feminism, I’m talking the actual feminism, not the feminism you all have come to hate.

The fight against patriarchy can never be won if double standards exists. Patriarchy thrives on the uncertainty of women and their willingness to stretch to accommodate the men in their lives. How many feminists have said they take of their hat at the gate of their homes? So you want men out there to act right but you’re accommodating your husband’s patriarchal ways?

If women don’t get off the horizon and choose a clear side of the line(against patriarchy) we will continue to be belittled, we will continue to receive lower pay, all the problems patriarchy brings will become bigger and bigger all because in our fight towards the same thing we want to keep and maintain some elements.