Lonely Is Not Synonymous With Needy

Loneliness is something I’ve experienced my entire life. Not because I never had friends or didn’t socialize- which I did. But sometimes I would find myself in a room full of people yet still feeling so so alone. It didn’t make any sense because I had friends, I had family and a “normal” life but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that ultimately I’m alone.

This loneliness has affected my friendships and relationships a lot, it’s hard to truly connect with other people when you still think of yourself as alone. What is loneliness really? Where does it come from? What’s more painful, the loneliness itself or the awareness of the feeling of being lonely?

Lonely to me has never been a good word, it has always represented neediness. We are encouraged to aspire to be independent, NOT LONELY. Independence is presented as the idea of being comfortable being by yourself, not needing anyone, not feeling sad because you don’t have people around, “being alone but not lonely.” But is that all there is to it? No one ever tells you how lonely it is being “independent”.

I’ve come to learn that people experience loneliness in different ways. For some people, loneliness pushes them to never want to be alone, to always seek out companionship, to block out any chance of ever being alone. For others, like me, loneliness pushes us to push people away, to never really connect, to always see ourselves as alone even though we are surrounded by love.

Loneliness isn’t a bad thing, the feelings we associate it with is what is. Thinking of loneliness as neediness is what makes us see it as a bad thing. You only feel bad for feeling lonely because you assume it shows you’re weak, you assume you should be independent and you assume feeling lonely takes that away from you.

But what if your loneliness doesn’t represent an external absence? What if it’s more internal? Failing to connect with yourself can cause loneliness, if you don’t heal what’s within, you can never feel whole.

If you’re an opinionated person, if you take control of your own life and create the reality that works for you, you’re bound to feel lonely. Choosing your own path and standing by it is not an easy task. Being on your own path can lead you to feeling disconnected to those around you, and it’s completely okay.

I’ve had to sit down with my loneliness and ask myself WHY I felt that way. Why would I feel lonely when I’m surrounded by people?

Lonely is not a bad word, lonely is not a bad feeling, it’s simply a nudge towards the right direction. Loneliness can represent different things, you can be lonely because you’re not being true to yourself. If you put yourself in the wrong environment, lacking like-minded individuals and if you ignore your instincts and your purpose then you are bound to feel lonely.

Sometimes you can feel lonely because there’s feelings you’re suppressing, and not releasing them or giving them the attention they deserve can cause you to feel lonely.

You can also feel lonely because you don’t have friends— I haven’t denied that. You can also be lonely from a genuine place of needing companionship. Loneliness comes in many shapes and forms and being more open about it can help you discover WHY you feel lonely.

I haven’t fully discovered the depths of my loneliness and what it tries to show me yet but i am aware than in order to do that I have to let go of my negative connotations with the word lonely and embrace it for what it is, a normal feeling.

So I nudge you to look within and dig deeper to your loneliness. Ask yourself what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, what triggers it and where it stems from. You’d be surprised how much you can discover about yourself just by asking yourself the right questions and being honest to yourself.

“A season of loneliness and isolation is when the caterpillar gets its wings. Remember that the next time you feel lonely” Mandy Hale